Tips to Getting Over a Break-Up

Going through a break-up, ending a relationship or divorce is a major loss and can be very challenging to navigate. Many people experience feelings of grief, loss and even trauma. It’s a major transition to lose a relationship with someone and it’s difficult to experience. Divorce can be especially challenging considering that many people have shared possessions, legal considerations, and even children that they must also care for through the process. 

Tips to help you cope with a break-up:

1. Take Care of Yourself:

Implementing coping skills and a self-care practice is essential to surviving the pain of divorce or a break-up. Try setting a daily or weekly goal of participating in at least one activity that will be beneficial to your emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. Some activities could include writing in a journal, meditating, exercising, taking a hot bath, reading a book or any other activity that you find helpful and healing. Be sure to make taking care of yourself a priority. You can set an alarm or calendar reminder to complete your daily healing activity. 

2. Use your support system:

Lean on your friends and family during this difficult time. It’s important to have a good strong support system that you can lean upon in a time of need. Having support helps by having someone to talk to, distract you, vent to or even to laugh with. Support can also come in many forms. You can find support with your friends and family as well as social clubs, community-based groups, and even grief and healing support groups. Support groups can be especially helpful to talk with people who may be experiencing a similar situation as your own.

3. Express your feelings:

If you find it helpful, be sure to talk about your feelings, but be sure that you are doing so in a healthy & constructive way. Many people want to vent and for a short time, that can be helpful, but if we get stuck on the same material in an unhealthy way and not move forward, it ends up being more detrimental than helpful. Talking about how you feel can be helpful with releasing hurt feelings and difficult emotions so be sure to find opportunities to express yourself and situation. 

4. Take the time that you need:

Don’t rush into feeling better and especially according to other people’s standards. You don’t have to jump back into dating right away and remember that responses to break-ups can be very different as every relationship, break-up, and situation is completely different. Some relationships may be short in comparison to others, but it could be that the shorter relationship hits harder because it was more intense. Perhaps your breakup came as a surprise, which can play a role in the response, reaction and how you need to heal. Again, each situation and relationship is completely different, which means the path to recovery and healing will also be different. Therefore, allow yourself the time you need to heal. 

5. Use Distraction:

Be sure to engage in fun activities or hobbies during your healing process. Many people may want to hide or find that doing anything fun while they are in pain is impossible, but it’s these distracting activities that can facilitate healing. By hiding inside your house or not socializing, you may find that this will cause you to constantly think of their ex or memories that you had together, which tends to make things feel worse. So when you feel up for it, distract yourself with a fun activity. You can try going to coffee or lunch with a friend, get a manicure or pedicure, go watch a movie, or join a new social group. The point here is to attempt to force yourself into finding a distracting activity that can help to facilitate your mental and emotional healing. 

6. Do something new:

Trying something new or spontaneous can boost self-esteem, excitement, and distraction, which can all be helpful when you’re going through a break-up. This is similar to finding a distracting activity or hobby, as stated above, but the difference here is trying something new. When we engage in something new, it can be very beneficial for our minds. It causes us to use more focus, attention and mental energy since we are unfamiliar with the task. New activities can be very helpful for your brain health as well because it creates new neural pathways in the brain and again enhances mental and cognitive focus and attention. These types of activities can help with emotional healing.

7. Engage in Reflection:

Self-reflection allows you to think about things that you may have learned about yourself while in a relationship. Take time to reflect on aspects that you liked and did not like about your relationship, yourself or your partner. This can be very eye-opening and allow you to be more self-aware and healthy for future relationships. Many people can see aspects or dynamics that they do not want in future relationships simply due to something negative that has happened previously. This again can help us to better future relationship as well as ourselves. 

8. Practice Gratitude:

Expressing ‘thanks’ may sound opposite of what you want to engage in during a break-up or while ending any relationship, but it can be quite helpful and healing. Try forcing yourself to find the positives in a very negative situation. This is similar to engaging in self-reflection as you may want to review things that you learned from your relationship and what you feel thankful for. This can be extremely helpful in the healing process. Expressing gratitude helps to boost optimism and happiness and it can lead to a happier and healthier relationship in the future. 

9. Use Caution With Social Media:

While you do not need to completely stay off of social media, it’s important that you are not giving into temptation and searching for your ex online or stalking their social media profile. While this can be very tempting and hard not to do, this can create lingering emotions and even stir up new emotional content, especially if you see current or recent pictures of your ex. This tends to be unhealthy and not very helpful in the healing process. Be sure to use caution with social media and engage in activities online that will be helpful for your own healing.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

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