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Women’s Health

7 Tips on How to Rekindle a Relationship, According to a Psychologist

The butterflies you feel at the beginning of a relationship can easily die if you don't feed them, leaving you fumbling to rekindle your relationship later on. It's why the honeymoon phase gets all the hype—it's usually the time when both partners are actively making an effort to keep the other satisfied and happy.

But as the relationship matures, that effort to maintain a special connection can gradually diminish and the fire you felt at the beginning can slowly burn out. Things can become monotonous, and the excitement almost nonexistent. "Most couples fall into a comfort zone and typical routines with their partner. While this provides us feelings of safety and security in our relationship, it can reduce feelings of excitement, spontaneity and overall newness that brings a spark," says Shelley Sommerfeldt, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of the Loving Roots Project, a relationship coaching site.

Mind Body Green

16 Benefits of Gratitude, According to Scientists & Mental Health Experts

Practicing gratitude is as easy as saying thank you for life's blessings, and the sooner you start, the sooner you'll start reaping the benefits of gratitude—of which there are plenty, by the way.

Studies show that feeling confident in who you are and your abilities can also stem from regularly expressing feelings of gratitude. It happens in a kind of domino effect: The more positive you feel within yourself, the more positive energy you express to others and the world around you, clinical psychologist Shelley Sommerfeldt, Psy.D., tells mbg. 

Wedding wire

HOw to make amends with an in-law before the wedding

There’s no denying that wedding planning can be stressful, especially considering the fact that it involves so many people, many of whom are playing important roles in the big day itself. Chances are, your parents and in-laws have strong opinions about how they’d like things to go down. This can naturally create some drama and tension, not to mention arguments and disdain, within the family.

“Tensions tend to rise during the wedding-planning phase due to high levels of stress, heightened emotions and conflicts about traditions or even finances,” explains Shelley Sommerfeldt, Psy.D., clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships.

authority magazine

it’s important to maintain & nourish relationships with family members who are champions for mental wellness

I had the pleasure of interviewing Shelley Sommerfeldt, Psy.D., a Clinical Psychologist and the owner of the Loving Roots Project. Dr. Sommerfeldt founded the Loving Roots Project, an online coaching practice, with the mission of providing inspirational and motivational content as a way to promote positive mental health and wellness.

Prior to this, Dr. Sommerfeldt spent many years working with high risk and underserved populations as well as a small group private practice focusing on couples and relationship-related issues.

Military Spouse

The Giant List of Military Spouse-Owned Businesses

We asked you to tell us your favorite military spouse-owned businesses and here is everything you shared! It’s the Giant List of Military Spouse Owned-Businesses (in no particular order!) Plus, personal reviews and recommendations from military spouses who love them. #shopmilitary

Every day, we are blown away by the amazing things you as military spouses accomplish.

Wedding Wire

How to Tell Your Parents You’re Eloping

It’s wise to tell your parents you’re eloping as far in advance as possible of your plans, as waiting until the last minute can come as a surprise and be hurtful, warns Shelley Sommerfeldt, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships. “When you express early on what your desires are for your elopement, this allows family members time to process and get used to your decisions if they have difficulty with it,” she says.

“At the end of the day, parents want the best for their children, so when information is presented in a way that expresses your excitement and desires, most people will respond with happiness in return,” says Sommerfeldt. “Even if there is disappointment from not being included or carrying out the wedding planning according to a family tradition, hearing excitement and joy about the ideas can make all the difference.”

HUFFPOST

The Right Way To Tell Someone You Love They Should Try Therapy

If you have never been to therapy or do not know someone who has, then do a quick internet search to find success stories to share, suggested Shelley Sommerfeldt, a clinical psychologist, relationship coach and founder of Loving Roots Project. Showing someone these types of stories, according to Sommerfeldt, normalizes therapy and allows a person to feel like they’re not alone. 

“When people are struggling with an issue, they can often feel that it will never get any better. By providing some stories of people who have had success and gotten better, this can help your loved one to see that there is hope for their situation as well and they may have a more open mindset about going to therapy as well,” she added.

Healthline

Talk it out: Communication 101 for Couples

If you’re in a relationship, chances are you’ve had your fair share of tense moments. It’s OK to have arguments — clashing is a completely normal part of being a couple. 

But the key to any lasting relationship is to work toward building a stronger, more intimate bond.

“Communication is important because it fosters trust and connection,” explains Shelley Sommerfeldt, PsyD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships. “In order to have an open, honest, and vulnerable relationship with our partner, we must be able to freely communicate in a healthy manner.”

Martha Stewart Weddings

How “We Talk” Can Help Strengthen Your Marriage

"When we speak about situations or difficulties and use only a singular pronoun, such as 'I' or 'me,' it can feel very lonely, but simply saying 'we' instead can help you to feel supported and less alone in the situation," says Shelley Sommerfeldt, Psy.D., clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships.

"This is especially helpful in relationships as this changes the situation from a couple facing a problem together as 'we' versus 'me' or 'you' have a problem alone. This team mentality, as she refers to it, can help to strengthen the marriage.

Martha Stewart Weddings

Here’s what happens to your body and brain when you’re in love

When we're in love, we feel happier on a chemical level thanks to an increase of dopamine, otherwise known as the "feel-good chemical" in the brain. "When people fall in love, their dopamine level spikes creating feelings of happiness and pleasure," says Shelley Sommerfeldt, Psy.D., clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships.

"Due to these euphoric dopamine rushes, we then feel a strong desire to continue these positive feelings and want to be with our love interest more and more."

BUSTLE

11 subtle questions to ask your partner if you’re worried they’re falling out of love

If you're in a long-term relationship, it's possible there will be moments when it feels like your partner is falling out of love, growing distant, or pulling away. And to some degree, that's completely natural. All relationships have high points and low points. But if you keep communicating, it's possible to get through to them and come out the other side healthier than ever.

If your partner seems distant, start by asking about their life in general. "Ask about your partner’s day, how their work is going, or something pertaining to their hobbies or interests," clinical psychologist and wellness coach, Shelley Sommerfeldt, PsyD.

Women Working

5 Signals Your Mind and Body Give When You Have Found the Right Man

Some of us go years without finding the right man. Or maybe you have found yours and you don't know it yet, but if you paid attention to what your body and mind are telling you, they might have a different story to tell. And it is those signs we tend to ignore, but they are the sure factors that you've found the right man.

You can blame dopamine, the "happy hormone" for all those butterflies flitting in your stomach when you're around him. "When people fall in love, their dopamine level spikes creating feelings of happiness and pleasure," says Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships.

Cosmopolitan

How to Stay Calm During the Coronavirus Pandemic

The whole world feels really chaotic right now. It’s hard to focus on anything—your work, even a Netflix sesh—while your phone is constantly blowing up with apocalyptic push notifications and texts from anxious friends. Like the Cosmo team, hopefully you are able to hunker down at home for the next couple weeks and practice social distancing to help limit the spread of COVID-19.

Loneliness can have a very real impact on your mental health. “It’s important to stay connected with family, friends, and coworkers, which helps prevent loneliness and reduce anxiety,” recommends clinical psychologist and relationship coach Shelley Sommerfeldt, PsyD. Luckily, technology makes staying in touch super easy, especially when you’re holed up inside. To feel less isolated, FaceTime, text, email, or—yeah—even call your crew.

Bustle

7 Things Your Partner might not say if they’re taking you for granted

Although it shouldn't always be expected, it's nice to be recognized by your partner for the things you do for them. In a healthy and balanced partnership, both you and your partner should feel like you're getting just as much as you give. If not, it can leave you feeling like you're being taken for granted. 

"Taking a partner for granted means that one feels they are under-appreciated, undervalued, or that they are working harder in the relationship than their significant other," clinical psychologist, Shelley Sommerfeldt, Psy.D., tells Bustle.

Thrive global

it’s important to maintain and nourish relationships with family members who are champions for mental wellness

The thing that we can change is ourselves. We can change our outlook, our mindset, our perspective, our boundaries, our self-care, who we surround ourselves with and ultimately our own happiness. When people are struggling with mental health issues, it can feel very alone and as though it will never get better. I had the pleasure of interviewing, Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt the founder and owner of the Loving Roots Project.

Wedding Wire

5 Common Relationship Dreams — and What They Mean

Dreams are strange—there’s no doubt about it. Sometimes they make sense and other times we have absolutely no idea where a topic we’ve dreamt about came from. There’s no reason to feel self-conscious about any dream you’re having, however, especially if it’s about your relationship. In fact, as it turns out, relationship dreams are super common.

“We spend a lot of time interacting with, and thinking about, our relationship, our partner, our life together, etc., so it’s only normal that our brain processes these exchanges and interactions,” explains Shelley Sommerfeldt, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships.